The Awful Truth

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We're finally beyond the flak of summer movies, and just over the hump of September dreck—it's finally time in movie land for all the big guns to come out. We have the audacity—the nerve!—to peek into the future to pick which flicks are gonna be the most successful, but we're not just talkin' money-wise.

Here are our bets for which fall films are gonna rake in the dough, which are gonna sweep the Oscars and which are gonna be smothered in butter-flavored gossip (dee-lish!):

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Ashley Tisdale is going for a record number of looks here at the High School Musical 3: Senior Year photocall in Madrid. (Guess a love of cheesy ballads and choreographed dance numbers performed by teens cuter than most students in actual high schools knows no geographical bounds.)

We've got the Fame ballet tights, combined with a pair of heels more appropriate for the prom. Then there's the fuzzy skirt that looks more like a Brillo pad, and an oversized fuchsia sweater that wouldn't entirely be out of place inside D.J. Tanner's closet during a rerun of Full House.

And The Tiz tops it all off with her best beauty-pageant updo. We get that you're a fun and free-spirited femme, Ash, but you're not Punky Brewster—try just a tiny bit to have your outfit match, please? Then again, this is prolly the best way to get anybody to talk about you instead of Zac and Vanessa since your nose revamp. And we highly prefer mix-and-matching your clothes than your body parts.

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While lady o' the night Paris Hilton was on her BFF press parade this week, we talked to Paris' parents, Rick and Kathy. Ain't it just a tad strange one of the most famous females on the planet needs to find a friend through a TV show? Said her dad: "Well, it's for entertainment." You mean it's not a real way to score a meaningful relaysh? Ain't there any other way to get a pal to party with who isn't a paid assistant? "She's so busy, truthfully, traveling—she's really gone most of the time," said Pare's mom. "So it's really hard."

Besides the show's lucky winner, whoever she or he may be, who's Pare-poo's true bestie? It obvs ain't domesticated Nicole Richie anymore. "I think [sister] Nicky and Benji. And she has really close friends who aren't in this business, who don't really like it...They're not the type who wanna be in the middle of everything." Guess these nobodies stayed home in Nowhereville that night.

Ever wish your offspring had picked a path that wasn't in the fickle field of fame? Rick's already made peace with the place his kid has carved out for herself in the world: "No, I think it's her passion, and she enjoys it. She obviously has a love for it, so you should do things you enjoy in life. I think it's a perfect one for her." Mama Kath on the other hand? "Sure. Absolutely," said K.H. "We thought [Paris] was going to be a veterinarian!" And some say God doesn't listen to our prayers?

K.H., 'course, supports her girls in their chosen limelights, even donning a dress from Nicky's fashion line. Will we be seeing Nicky with her own BFF show anytime soon? "No, I don't think so. Nicky's a little shier."

Clearly not as reticent as the youngest Hilton, Conrad, who couldn't have looked any unhappier to be at the bash, following his folks around like a scolded puppy. Damn, you musta been badder than your big bro Barron was behind the wheel to deserve a punishment like that.

—Additional sass by Becky Bain

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“We were all a little intimidated by him. But he warms up and he’s so giving to other actors when you’re in scenes with him that it’s fun and a challenge to keep up with him.”

—30 Rock costar Lonny Ross on whether or not he finds the booming eldest Baldwin bro, Alec, intimidating. I’d say that’s an affirmative, you?

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Russell Crowe, flocking to where all shopping starlets go, Robertson Boulevard, for dinner. The Kiwi cut back with some male amigos—one of which our source swears was director pal Ridley Scott—at Chaya in Bev Hills. Despite the dressy atmosphere, R.C. opted for a black soccer jersey and black shorts, his long locks pulled back in a ponytail. Doesn't matter how inappropriate his choice of attire was, like anyone—besides the ever-present paps—is gonna ef with Russ when he's eating. But it was Crowe-hon's own fault for choosing to dine on the patio. Having a less pleasurable night out, so it seemed, was...

Nicky Hilton, in Ef-Hell-Ay, hosting a relaunch fete for Miami hot spot Karu&Y. Nick showed her skinny self up with her cuz Brooke, holding court in the club's VIP section. The twosome downed champs all night, refusing to speak to press or even give passersby a damn smile. Grins are free, didn't ya know that, hons? Instead of boogying down on the dance floor, our source spied N.H. taking several half-hour trips to the ladies room, only coming out when Rihanna or Britney tunes were played by the DJ. Got a bad bladder, babe, is that it? Enjoying a simpler night out back west was...

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"This is such a waste."

—Top hanger-on to one of my fave divas (just like witches, darlings, there are good ones and bad ones), Whitney Houston, and the insufferable delays to her reported "comeback" and long-anticipated next album. Like, come on, Whit, Britney's gonna have 2,567 career relaunches by the time you come out with your second. 'Course, look at the product, I know, I know, big diff, but get off your ass, please. What are you doing? (Don't wanna tell you what some folks tell me you're doing, babe.)

It can be a rocky journey to the top, and no one knows this better than Finnegan Furrow-Brow. He's been in the spotlight for years, but never had that star recognition until most recently. See, Finny's a younger-type dude who's been thrust upon this world of flashing lights and flashing panties simply due to his ambitious achievements (which, of course, means he's starting to dabble in all kinds of crossover activities too, which usually happens with the young, firmly muscled and pretty popular).

F's tight ass and adorable smile def don't hurt his fame cred, either, but newly minted megamoney and magnified status aside, FFB isn't exactly a traditional knockout stud. Regardless, his basically "unthreatening" demeanor gets girls into the throes of his sheets all the damn time, anyways. But...these digging damsels shouldn't be too eager. Here's why:

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Look, everybody knows I live for Hillary, really wanted her to get the presidential nomination this year. And almost just as many folks know there's very much a plan out there among Clinton's diehard supporters—as I originally reported—to not support Obama, in the hopes that the dude'll get trounced by McCain's nastiness and Palin's poof in the ignored process.

Really wish Ms. C. would step up to the plate, dismiss at least publicly this lunacy (like, what, she's got a guarantee she'll win next time, not to mention the Iraq and financial hell McCain'll put us through in the meantime) for what it is: sour grapes. He won. They're pissed; a lotta us are pissed.

But let's heal and move on with the best possible candidate for coming back together as a country, and I believe that person is Barack Obama, not the Bush crony and abrasive, divisive gray-haired guy who's got a loving and rock-solid marriage like I'm not cranky. It'll be White House marital matters, Dubya-style, all over again—and then some.

At least Michelle and her man seem to be…uh, into each other. But I guess me bitching about bad marriages in the White House while I'm lamenting Hillary's loss for the top nod is about as ludicrous as the fact that Hillary C. seems to be implicitly saying this let's-get-Barack-back plan is worthwhile. Denounce it now, Hil, and mean it.

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Maybe we should title this one Out of the Closet? Or is that jab at this tanning twosome just too easy? The pale pair are still in Mexico vacationing from...What do they do, exactly, that's so stressful they need some time off? They clearly aren't taking a rest from photo ops, that's fer sure.

As far as the duo's choice of swimwear goes, since we're shallow like that, we're warming up to seeing SamRo in a two-piece—par-tick the boy shorts...more appropriate for babe's less-girlie personality.

And Lindsay's Mary Poppins carpet bag of endless bikinis continues with this noir number, emphasizing L2's most important assets. We don't have to spell that one out for ya, since we know you've been ignoring everything we've said so far and have been staring at 'em all along. Gotta say, happiness looks fab on these two girls—and kudos for LiLo holding a hand instead of a Corona.

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OK, so we realize that day in and day out we burden the lot of you with the humble or horrible happenings of Paris and Lindsay and the Cerberus creature that is Heidi-Lauren-Audrina. So let's take a skank break and shed a li'l light on someone actually deserving of recognition, how 'bout it?

Tonight in Santa Barbara at the Biltmore, the divine and debonair Ed Harris will be honored with the Kirk Douglas Award for Excellence in Film, right on the cusp of his second directing effort, Appaloosa, in which he also starred. Talk about a Renaissance man, the dude does it all. And quite well, might we add. Ted always thought E.H. shoulda won the Oscar for Pollack, whereas I've always been a fan of his Christof in The Truman Show (tho it's no wonder he was overshadowed by a serious Jim Carrey). This is definitely an improvement over last year's recipient, John Travolta, doncha think? Or did Wild Hogs become a modern day classic without anyone telling us?

Congrats, Eddie, we love everything you've dished out so far in your career, keep it up. It'll be back to bitching about silly H'wood starlets shortly, we promise.

Hey, A.T.ers, Ted's in and out for the rest of the week as he's on vacay in New Yawk, so I'm helping pick up some of the goss slack (two words that sound truly repulsive together, ew) while he enjoys himself back East. Fret not, you won't be able to miss him much...

It's time for an extra-special dose of Teddy's face—and more—in Truth, Lies & Ted!

Is Tyra Banks turning sweet? Are Linds and Sam still in their honeymoon phase? And which Entourage guy is completely petrified of Sarah Palin? Click above to find out all the answers and to encounter the biggest asshole ever to come our way (quite literally).

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“I do think it's interesting that McCain is campaigning like a Clinton—down and dirty, using technology and turning around ads faster than the Obama camp.”

—Always right on, politically connected Washington insider otherwise known as our 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. spy, Desk DeeCee